OK, the Tuesday thing just hasn't worked out.
It's Sunday now, and for 4 days I've been saying "I really need to write my Tuesday post".
OK, we're going to make a change. Tuesday Talk will now be Sunday Stuff. (so I'm a sucker for alliteration)
Sundays should be better, although not by much. Today I've already been to the Bagel Shop to solve the world's problems, to the LL field to do a little work, watched the Carolina Girls (I know, they're WOMEN!) kick Bucknell's ass all over the basketball court, swept the porch and patio, filled the bird and critter feeders, finished a bill for a customer, watched the Tarheel Men (OK, boys - now we're even) kick Arkansas' ass all over the basketball court, checked out my favorite blogs and chatted a bit, and wrote a piece about the upcoming Red Sox season, for which I can't wait.
At least this year my family left me alone about Easter. They may have finally gotten the message that I actually have accepted the Jewish tradition as my own, even if I still have some qualms about religion as a whole. It's ironic that they probably think I'll burn in hell for being Jewish, and may never know that Judaism brought me back to religion after Christianity pushed me away.
My wife continues to be very tired, all of the time. Fighting cancer takes a huge toll on the body, then you add the medicines which also take their own toll, and she just has no energy whatsoever. She mentions the idea of discontinuing treatment sometimes, and I understand the premise that it's better to have "good" time, even if there's less of it, but I also worry that without the chemo the cancer itself would keep her just as ill and she wouldn't really gain any "quality" time. This is her week to skip treatment, so hopefully she'll have a better week next week and maybe her spirits will pick up a little. I can't help but believe that better spirits alone would improve her general condition, but that's probably an overly optimistic hope. Regardless, how can one have any positivity about them if they have the knowledge that this disease has them and it can't be stopped. I don't really feel inadequate because I can't do anything about the disease, I know that's out of my control. I often think, however, that I should be able to do more to help her mood. And I question whether I would be able to keep her more upbeat if I had done better in the economic world and we were able to do all those things we wanted to get around to but never have. I guess I just have to keep plugging away at "the list"
Speaking of which - I'm not sure I want to see that movie. Apparently the characters in it have their list to pursue, but they also have all the financial resources to achieve it. Not quite like real life for most of us. I also hate hearing that country song where the guy does the same thing. All sappy and heart-warming supposedly. Go bull-riding, sky-diving, cross-country riding. And just where is the money coming from to do all this? He hopes everyone gets to "live like they were dying." Trust me, it's NOT the best time of your life.
Having said all that - I must add
We have managed to see Alaska, although it took the help of some VERY dear friends to make it happen. We saw it from a boat, a cruise ship to be exact, which was absolutely wonderful, but I would love to return sometime to see more of the inland parts. We stood atop a primitive glacier together, which might just be one of the most memorable moments of my life. It was like being on another planet. We saw killer whales fairly close up from a smaller ship in the bay, and I was one of only a few that managed to get pictures of a brown bear feeding on the salmon on one of the islands we stopped at.
We also managed to take our whole family, all 13 or so of us, to Disney World for a week. That may not sound like much to many of you, but we've never been able to do anything close to that before, and we took all the kids and grandkids, pretty much on us. None of the grandkids had ever been there before, our daughter had never been, and our 2 sons had not been since their grandparents took them a very long time ago. We spent 3 whole days in Disney, 1 in rehab, and 1 at Sea World. The sale of my wife's soap business made that possible.
We've since been on another cruise, this time to the Carribean, and again with some help from our friends. This one, though, really put us behind and I don't know how long it may be before we're able to cross something else off the list. I often feel a little guilty about doing some of these things when the bills aren't caught up, and there's almost no money in reserve. But I get over that quickly when I think that I'll have time to deal with the finances later. I don't know how much time we have to do things on "the list".
So I guess I'd better finish that damn bathroom and get ready to go to Europe, eh?
If that's not optimism, then there's no such thing!